Thursday, 5 May 2011

How To Overcome Criticizing And Feelings Of Inferiority

I would be completely lying and
doing everyone a disfavor if I
said, "The inferiority complex is
all in the mind, dude. Just stop
thinking you're inferior because
you're not." It isn't. If it were so
simple then billions, yes billions,
wouldn't experience it sometime
in their life.
I know of personal development
teachers who teach such things.
I did some brief browsing on the
web to see what information
was available on the inferiority
complex, and most of the advice
offered is harmful. "Experts"
were telling people "things will
get better", "be more positive", or
"it's not so bad". If you have the
inferiority complex and someone
says that to you, then you'll
understand the massive
frustration caused from the huge
misunderstanding when
someone gives you such poor
advice. This type of positive
thinking is nicely understood in a
Bible verse.
In Luke chapter 5 (NKJV), Jesus
was talking to some Pharisees
who were complaining. Jesus
replied to them in a parable so
that they would be more likely to
understand:
"No one puts a piece from a new
garment on an old one
otherwise the new makes a tear,
and also the piece that was taken
out of the new does not match
the old. And no one puts new
wine into old wineskins; or else
the new wine will burst the
wineskins and be spilled, and the
wineskins will be ruined."
The garment and the wineskins
examples are what positive
thinking does to our self-image.
A new patch over the bad
garment improves the garment a
little bit yet it is still its same old
self. If new wine ( positive
thinking) is poured into old
wineskins (your poor self-image
of feeling inferior) then nothing
good will result. It is a battle of
willpower and what is known as
creative imagination which you'll
learn more about below. Positive
thinking can slightly improve the
situation but in the end it usually
results in frustration as our
willpower becomes exhausted.
Whenever there is a fight
between willpower and creative
imagination, you can bet creative
imagination will be the victor.
From personal experience and
coaching others, I know first
hand that a better self-image
where you do not feel inferior
cannot be achieved through
positive self-talk, affirmations,
and the like. Unfortunately,
thousands of people have taught
and continue to teach that using
positive self-talk will overcome
your problems. Positive self-talk
is often nothing more than an
attempt to live deliriously from
reality and ignore what is really
taking place.
We are conditioned by society to
believe that being positive during
our own problems and when
comforting others is a good
thing. Nothing could be further
from the truth. If you are
interested in becoming a strong
pillar in someone's life where
you are able to emotionally
support people, gain their
respect, friendship, and remain
stable, composed, and poised
without feeling depressed or
insane, then I highly recommend
you get my program here.
The primary factors of the
conditioning aspect that
determines whether you become
inferior or rise above the
circumstance is your attitude
towards criticism and failure.
Don ’t forget that there is the
creative imagination aspect
which is a more powerful
influence towards feeling inferior
yet criticism and failure are the
powerful influences within the
conditioning aspect.
Criticism and failure will always
be banging at your door to
success. Unfortunately, most of
us let the two get a foot hold
within our lives and from there
the problems expand themselves.
Criticism compounds criticism
and failure demotivates you
resulting in more failure. You will
never be able to eliminate
criticism or failure. Therefore, to
overcome the inferiority complex
you cannot expect yourself to not
fail or to not receive criticism.
Overcoming the conditioning
aspect of the inferiority complex
is a matter of learning and
moving on while maintaining a
goal-focused attitude. Anyone
who has achieved anything
notable sooner or later receives
criticism. The great Greek
philosopher, Aristotle, said
"Criticism is something we can
avoid easily by saying nothing,
doing nothing, and being
nothing."
When you feel criticism is a signal
of your unworthiness then it
begins to stimulate inferiority,
shame, and failure. Don ’t take
criticism personally and think you
are a failure. If criticism is justly
deserved then use it as feedback
to adjust your course of action as
it guides you back on the path of
not feeling inferior.
You need to know that other’s
criticism towards you will either
be an attempt to improve your
life, be a release of frustration, or
a sign of the person ’s own
problems. Sometimes you can
take the criticism as a sign of you
progressing forward in life!
We all have been criticized. Some
people suffer while other's
flourish and experience great
levels of confidence, success,
happiness, and intimate
relationships. Why is this and
what can you do to overcome
your inferiority complex?
Think of a time when the power
of the sender, intensity of the
criticism, and the frequency you
were criticized made you feel
inferior. If you can and I suggest
you do, make your selected
memory one related to your
current feelings of inferiority. If
you are a shy person then
perhaps think of a time when
someone told you to stop talking
because you have nothing good
to say.
Once you have come up with one
or several memories, ask yourself
these questions:
- What were you thinking when
the person made you feel
inferior?
- What emotions did you
experience?
- What self-talk followed the
person's negative feedback?
- How long did these feelings and
thoughts last?
- How intense were these
feelings and thoughts?
After answering these questions,
if you reacted poorly to the
negative feedback given to you
in these situations, you should
now be more aware of how your
feeling of inferiority developed.
You see, the person’s criticism
and other types of negative
feedback has no power over you.
It isn't the events which make
you inferior. Rather, it is your
reaction to the events. It is the
thoughts and feelings you
experience after the event that
determine whether your
inferiority grows or dies. The
conditioning aspect of inferiority
partly manifests through the
criticism of others if we let it, yet
our reaction to the event usually
determines who we become.
Referring back to the three
components (power of sender,
intensity, and frequency) which
shape us, if you severely beat
your emotional self up and
frequently do it (for self-talk, I say
the power of the sender factor
varies depending how strong
your self-image is in the specific
area you are criticizing yourself
over), then the self-criticism will
have a bigger impact on your
inferiority.
You condition yourself to feel
inferior through self-criticism.
You become your own worst
enemy. Your "self" gets smacked
by your thoughts and self-talk.
The failures become a part of
who you are. You are unable to
disassociate events and
experiences from your identity
and so you begin to verbally bash
your mind. You feel inferior like a
failure.
Once you've initiated the
thoughts, the feelings begin to
follow. You begin to feel inferior.
You use your creative
imagination poorly and begin to
evoke images of failure, misery,
shame, unworthiness, and low
self-esteem. All these negative
messages that you've come to
accept over time mold your self-
image and make you feel inferior.
You eventually believe that you
are in fact inferior.

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